Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
