you guys were way drunker than both of me
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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