it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
When did angry sex become our thing?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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