tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
