break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
