My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
