Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
