You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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