Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
