I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
