I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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