the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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