If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize