I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
