Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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