Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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