Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
