Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
