Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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