I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Randomize
