Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize