Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
