Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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