I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
