I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
