1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
can u get pink eye on your cock?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
