Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize