i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize