Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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