I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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