you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
