it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
