I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
