Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
