If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
