OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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