It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
