Im at strip club and am horny
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
