I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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