Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
