i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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