Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
