just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
