are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
