I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I need to calm my uterus...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
