im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
