we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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