i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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