i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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