So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
