So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
