Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize