Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
