1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
