This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
