first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I supernannyed him into submission
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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