Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize