i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
