The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
