Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
