this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
