my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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